The PrincipalsPage.com Blog

I had planned to take a vacation day this week. Partly because I need a vacation. But mostly, because I have days that must be used or I am going to lose them.

I wish my contract had built-in days that had to be taken for vacation. No exceptions. No unexpected meetings. No crisis to interrupt them.

If this were the case, it would give me something to look forward to and force me to take some time off.

Kind of like Thanksgiving… of course without the turkey or the pilgrims. Although, I wouldn’t mind eating turkey on my mandatory day off. And if it would help, I could take a couple of pilgrims golfing. After all, how good could they be? I am thinking the big hats would get in the way of their swing.

But, I am getting off the subject at hand.

My master plan was coming together… the vacation day was scheduled, perfect weather forecasted, and a list of outdoor chores a mile long.

It was going to be a great day full of sunshine, quiet, and accomplishments. And by accomplishments, I mean mowing and weed eating (or as I like to call it... my dream retirement).

What could possibly go wrong?

Once again, the unexpected reared its ugly head.

The flu. So technically, its ugly head wasn’t reared… but bent over the toilet.

The night before my vacation day was to take place, my daughter was overtaken by disease.

She had a fever, chills, headaches and all of the gross sickness things that involve numerous trips to the bathroom… if she was lucky enough to make it (feel bad for her if you like, but I was left to deal with the overspray).

Since I already had a day off planned, it made sense for me to stay home with her and let mom go to work.

It wasn’t the perfect day I had planned, but when you are a parent this is the price you pay if you want at least a 50/50 chance that your only child will take care of you when old age kicks in (I am trying to stay on her good side because I really don’t want to live in a nursing home… they are hot and smell like old people).

You would think sick days are the complete opposite of school days, but I found that they have a lot of similarities.

At various times both have headaches, crying, trips to the restroom (at school running boys out of them and during a sick day trying to get my daughter into one), long hours, moms calling to check in, and quiet times followed by total mayhem.

So on my vacation day which didn’t turn out to be much of a vacation, I learned staying at home is just like school.

Except for one thing.

When my daughter got sick, I instinctively called out for a janitor.

I waited patiently, then called out again.

No janitor.

No Nurse.

No one.

Just me. And my very sad daughter. And what looked like dinner from 2 nights ago.

So, I cleaned up the hallway myself.

I hate sick days. Sometimes it is easier just to be at school.

Maybe next time, the janitor could stay home with her.

I know… I know… she is definitely going to put me in a nursing home.

As I continue my career as a school administrator (unless you’ve heard something, and if so please send me an email ASAP… it could be awkward if I show up at work tomorrow), I have learned that parents have a limited amount of time to raise their children.

If I wasn’t employed in education, I would have missed out on this lesson in life.

When I was younger (much, much younger), I thought the parenting cycle was from birth to the age of 18. I believed parents were in charge of their kids until they left for college and moved out of the house.

After working with students and parents for the past several years, I have gained a much broader perspective.

I have discovered parents have only 14 short years (give or take a few months) to instill their values and beliefs into their kids.

After a child celebrates their 14th birthday, parents are no longer calling the shots but are merely acting as consultants.

At this point, teenagers start to take their advice and guidance from anyone and everyone not named mom or dad.

This is tough for some parents to believe, but I think it is true.

If parents have a good relationship with their child during their younger years, they have a much better chance of becoming a full-time, well-thought of consultant (doesn’t pay well, but beats the alternative).

If they have not had a quality relationship, they may end up getting fired as consultant (this is the alternative and it pays much worse... in fact it can cost you money).
14 years. It isn’t a very long time. And as I head into year 7 of my parenting cycle, I am quickly realizing how quickly this time passes.

In a few short years you have to give your kids structure, discipline, manners, kindness, worth ethic, common sense, and an appreciation for education.

It is a big job, but it can be done.

And it has to be done. Because while you can continue to offer advice and guide them for the rest of their lives, their basic values have already been set.

I believe that parents who think they can jump in and fix their kids when they are 15 or 16 or 18 are in for a rude awakening.

At that point a team of the consultants may not be able to change them (or lawyers…).

Then a parent’s best hope is that the child changes themselves. And that doesn’t always turn out very well.

This morning I noticed something while watching my daughter’s soccer game.

It occurred to me that the parents are far more interesting to watch than the game itself. Of course, I had time to let my mind wander because my kid was busy catching her breath after running semi-hard for nearly 14 straight seconds.

She was alternating between grasping her chest and wiping her forehead. This sounds like I am picking on her, but this was during warm-ups.

For a moment, I thought she might get sick but then I realized that would take effort (in her defense before the game she did walk to the car by herself… while carrying her Nintendo DS… that is what we call progress).

She needed a break and the coach needed a player who didn’t think they were going to pass out.

While she got a much needed (in her mind) rest on the sidelines, I started to notice the parents around me.

And by around me, I mean the ones within 25 yards of my general area.

You see, as a highly trained school administrator, I know that the keys to enjoying an athletic event are: don’t stand or sit with the parents, don’t make eye-contact, and most definitely don’t engage anyone in small talk.

My wife thinks I am a loner. I have no idea where she comes up with these crazy ideas, but I wish she would get away from me (it’s a joke).

The thing that struck me about the parents was that you could break them into 3 distinct groups.

The first group would be parents like my wife and I. I am going to refer to them as the Observers.

They are at the game to support all the kids on the team.

They are thrilled that their child is participating and not growing even lazier by watching the Saturday SpongeBob SquarePants marathon.

They are not screamers. You won’t catch them threatening the referee or coach. In fact, they are probably ecstatic that another parent volunteered to coach so they can take a season off (that would be me).

These parents cheer for the kids and the good plays from both teams. In their eyes, athletics is a way to get exercise, learn discipline, and be part of a team.

Good hearted, hardworking, tax-paying people like myself (at least that is what I like to believe… they may be just stopping by the game before they go pick up water and beef jerky for their compound).

The second type of parent are the ones I like to call the Obnoxiously Loud Ones.

They are much more into the game than the Observers. They cheer/scream for the good plays and complain/scream to anyone within listening distance about the bad ones.

From time to time, they will yell directions to their kid (and by time to time, I mean every 3 seconds). They feel the need to share knowledge that they picked up from their time sitting on the bench when they played sports in junior high.

They don’t coach the team because that would cut into their time second guessing the person who is.

Usually, these are very nice people. They are very supportive of their children.

They want to win and if their team doesn’t, it is obviously the referees fault.

Nice people, but just like the animals at the zoo they are best observed from a distance.

The last group are the ones that worry me.

They are the Insane Ones Who Have No Concept of Reality.

If you make the mistake of striking up a conversation with them, you are in for 45 minutes of listening to “when they played” conversation.

They have very interesting stories about high school. Too bad, all of these things happened 29 years ago. Which isn’t bad, except nothing else exciting has happened to them since?

Ugh.

These are people who not only cheer for their kids and yell at the ref, but they live for the next game.

They have all of the qualities of the Obnoxiously Loud ones mixed in with a just a dash of Crazy (and by dash, I mean boatload).

They are excited. At the game. Before the game. Driving to the game (with painted windows on their vehicle). And at work 6 days in advance of the game.

They think about the game. A lot. In fact, all the time.

The love it. Sometimes a little too much.

They are positive their child will receive a full-ride athletic scholarship. Or win a gold medal in the Olympics. Or at the very least, start every game in high school, win numerous MVP awards, be
named Homecoming King or Queen, and get their picture in the newspaper at least 5 times a week.

They were legends (in their own minds) and the child will carry on this tradition. Just ask them (but, really don’t).

When you break it down, all parents fit into 1 of the 3 groups.

If you don’t believe me watch the parents at the next game you attend.

Just don’t make the mistake of engaging them in conversation. Unless, of course you want to hear about the game winning shot they made in the semi-finals of the JV basketball tournament in which they dominated in 1981.

I heard it was amazing.

Actually, I overheard it. Remember, I don’t get that close.

Especially after this blog.

LATE ADDITION: It has been pointed out to me that I have forgotten a 4th group of parents. The VideoTapers. They are the ones who miss out on watching every event that their child participates in because they are too busy trying to tape it for later viewing. Which brings up the question... who really wants to "rewatch" a 7 year old's soccer or t-ball game?

Another birthday has come and gone.

My official age can now be best described as old. I know its official because the last time I was in the sporting goods store looking at running shoes, the young lady helping me asked if I was going to use them to walk.

I said, “Yes, possibly upside your head if you insinuate I am old again.”

I didn’t really say that, although I did think it.

Actually, I don’t mind birthdays anymore. It is just a number and like I have said before, getting older certainly beats the alternative.

Around my house a birthday is cause for celebration, because my daughter loves to celebrate.

Like all 7 year olds, she loves many things… ice cream, pizza, milk, pop tarts, French fries, SpongeBob, her friends, singing, crafting, school, sleepovers, and most of all presents.

She loves everything about presents. She likes to receive presents. She likes to give them. She absolutely loves to open them.

And most of all she loves to give herself presents on my birthday.

Actually, that isn’t completely true. She loves to give herself presents on any day that we should be celebrating me.

Christmas, birthdays, and Father’s Day are all occasions readymade to head off to the mall and buy something nice for herself.

Sure, she says it’s for me. She has to. It would be tacky if she put her own name on the package.

And she would never do that, because we have raised her right (and by right, I mean like most parents we are just trying to survive… mainly the upcoming teenage years).

I hear about dads who get ugly ties for gifts. It makes me jealous. That would be a gigantic step up for me. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about her wearing my tie.

She always buys me something that she has talked about for months.

For Father’s Day, I got the Wii that she has always wanted. For my birthday, she got me Wii accessories. I am the proud new owner of Mario Kart and the 3 steering wheels that she has had her eye on (the whole family can now play “together”).

I am assuming that at Christmas I will be receiving a pink and purple cell phone with a fancy case that sparkles. Or possibly getting my ears pierced (suddenly, the phone doesn’t sound so bad).

I am giddy with excitement.

All of this is bad enough, but I am also paying for my/her gift.

Yes, that’s right.

She goes shopping to buy me/herself something on my dime.

When did I lose control? My best guess is it occurred roughly 4 seconds after she was born and announced that she was now in charge.

She didn’t make this announcement out loud, but there was definitely a look that told me she was now calling the shots.

I can hardly wait for 2017.

For some reason, I am thinking that will be the year I get a car for my birthday.

Am I the only one who may yell at their child’s coach about too much playing time?

I always tell my daughter that it is up to the coach to decide who plays and how much.

I will never complain about her not starting or playing enough. I have seen these situations a 1000 times with parents and coaches. I will never ever be a part of this.

Coaches want to win, so I believe they will play whoever gives them the best chance to accomplish this.

So, you will never be able to include me in that group of pushy parents who demand their child plays more.

Now playing too much, that is a different story.

As my only child has started her athletic career, I have tried to teach her that pressure is a privilege.

It is an honor to be the one who is up to bat in the last inning with the game tied, the player shooting what could be the winning free throw, or the one playing goalie in the last minute of the game with the outcome hanging in the balance.

In these situations, maybe she succeeds, maybe she fails.

As long as she has prepared herself and tries her best, who really cares about the outcome?

Me, that’s who.

I want to win.

You play… to win… the game.

Sure, sportsmanship is nice, but it is seldom the lead story in the newspaper (or on their website… it is 2008 after all).

I want some payback for working with her in the back yard, driving her to practice, and shelling out all of this money for uniforms, shoes, participation fees, and hair bands (why can’t a girl get along with just 1, or 72… why do they have to have 643 of them in different colors with various amounts of sparkly stuff?).

With the game on the line, I don’t want to see her on the field or court.

The coach says he can count on her. He barely knows her. I have a long standing relationship with my child (began about 9 months before her birth) and I realize that she is a loose cannon.

She can’t be counted on… I have seen her room. She has failed on that simple task over and over. What makes the coach think she can perform with the game on the line?

She can’t even hang up her towel after a shower.

How can she be expected to make the winning basket, when she can’t get her dirty clothes in the hamper?

The coach wants her to play goalie and stop a soccer ball coming right at her head. She shrieks when a fly lands on her arm.

You don’t want her in the game with the pressure on.

At least I don’t.

It makes me nervous. Really nervous.

And it is not like she needs the experience. As if there is a full-ride scholarship to a Division I university in her future.

Best case, the truck driving school she attends will have some sort of intramural program.

The coach should at least be courteous enough to tell me before he has the brainstorm to send her into the game.

At least with some advance warning, I could go sit in the car or at least look away.

Turns out, I can’t take the pressure.

And it isn’t a privilege for a parent.

So coach, consider yourself officially notified. Do whatever you have to, just don’t use my kid.

Let some other parent sit there with butterflies in his or her stomach.

I want to win.

And you don’t want me yelling at you during the game about too much playing time.

This past weekend I had the unfortunate experience of seeing my daughter’s heart broken for the first time.

She was absolutely crushed and there was nothing I could do about it. As a parent, this is a totally helpless feeling.

You want to jump to your child’s defense, but then you realize that there isn’t much that you can really do.

This was also my first experience as being totally worthless as a dad (alright, not my first but I am trying to make a point here).

The look on her face of total and complete sadness was enough to break my heart.

I know 7 year old girls get their feelings crushed, but I always assumed it involved a dog running away, losing their favorite blanket, or a best friend moving to another town.

But not my daughter.

Nope.

She doesn’t do things in a normal fashion.

When she does something it is all out (unless you count running or cleaning her room… then best case she gives you a solid 65%... on a good day).

Her first broken heart was brought to her by a waiter at a Mexican restaurant. She should have just gotten a side of rice.

We have gone to this restaurant many times. By my guesstimate about 674 days (although not in a row… not that I haven’t suggested that). Of course, this is only a rough guess. It may have
been many more.

During these trips my daughter looked forward to seeing her favorite waiter, Jose.

If she got lucky, we sat in Jose’s section and they would visit.

They seemed to understand each other considering neither one speaks the other’s language very well. Ah, who am I kidding… neither one speaks any language very well.

Sure, they both tried but I don’t award effort points if I have to say “Huh” 12 times during a conversation.

When he wasn’t our waiter, he always took the time to wave or come by the booth (I do love a booth much more than a table) and say Hi. Or something that sounded like Hi.

Whatever it was, he said it with a great big smile on his face.

Last weekend, we won the waiter lottery and Jose was in charge of our booth.

He came by and took our order in his usual upbeat mood.

Then it happened.

He told us the next day would be his last. He was returning to Mexico to be with his family.

The look of shock and horror on my daughter’s face was disturbing.

I thought she was going to cry, but she held it together. I think she was being strong for Jose.

My point here is… he always took the time to be nice to her.

We should all be so kind to strangers, little kids, old people… and everyone else with whom we come into contact with.

You never really know the effect you have on people… until you move back to your home country.

I was thinking about how weekends seem to just fly by. It doesn’t seem possible that one minute it is Friday afternoon and the next I am sitting behind my desk on a Monday morning (or under the desk, depending on how the day is going).

What happened to Saturday and Sunday?

There is no other combination of days that go by at this lightening pace.

Not Monday-Tuesday, not Tuesday-Wednesday, not Thursday-Friday, or… I think you probably get the point.

So why do my weekends go by so quickly?

Then it occurred to me. Finally, those teachers who told me that math would be important in my daily life… they were right.

Finally.

I had almost given up on them.

My loss of time during the weekend is a simple math problem (just don’t ask me what X and Y stand for because I don’t have a clue… and just like high school, I don’t really care as much as I probably should).

During an average work day, I get up at 5:30 and go to bed at 11:00. That is 17.5 hours per workday.

So in theory, I should have 35 hours of sweet, sweet free time each and every weekend.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but weekends just don’t last that long.

The proof lies in the math.

This past weekend is a perfect example.

Start off with 35 hours of free time (in theory).

Take off 4 for sleeping in and a couple of catnaps. That still leaves me with 31 hours to do whatever I would like.

Weekends are great.

2 hours for a Saturday morning soccer game (yes, they won).

1.5 hours for jogging/shuffling/barely more than an old guy walking.

1 hour riding a bike.

3 hours of yard work.

2 more hours for running around town doing chores (wash cars, drycleaners, purchasing those elusive winning lottery tickets).

5 hours on the computer… blogging, emailing, plurking, doing school work, etc.

This takes me down to 16.5. Still a lot of time left to do whatever I want. It certainly beats going to work.

Another 2 hours eating out and going to eat ice cream.

1 hour reading the newspaper.

1 hour picking up the house, garage, or cleaning out the cars.

I’m down to 12.5.

Still not too bad.

4 hours watching TV or trying to sit through a movie (I am a little jumpy).

Roughly 3 hours eating, showering, and doing personal chores (that is nice way of not getting too graphic… you’re welcome).

Only 5.5 left.

I forgot ironing my clothes for the next week. That is another 30 minutes.

Playing outside with my daughter takes another 2 hours.

That leaves a grand total of 3 hours left.

Yes, you heard me (or read me) right. 3 hours is the entire weekend.

The math never lies.

That is why my weekend seems to go by so quickly. They aren’t 48 hours, they are 3 hours long.

What a rip. No wonder I am so tired on Mondays.

I can’t wait for the next 3 day weekend, or should I say 4.5 hours of sweet free time. I need the extra rest.

By the way, never trust anyone who says “Trust me” as I did in the title. It is an absolute guaranteed lock they can’t be trusted. And never believe anyone who says “Honest, I am not lying”. If you have to announce your honesty, odds are you are not.

Given the opportunity to speak to graduate students who are working on their administrative degree, I would share some of my ideas and experiences.

But first, I would question, what kind of college professor lets me speak to their students?

Mostly, I would warn the future administrators of the upcoming trials and tribulations of their newfound position by sharing some of my many mistakes. I would like to tell them about all of my mistakes, but graduate classes generally last only 3-4 hours.

Plus, the judge says I still have to remain silent about several “incidents”.

Since the students would be forced to sit through this presentation, I would give them real life, practical advice they could actually use when they take their first jobs.

No complicated formulas or hypothetical cases. Just tried and true nuts and bolts of the job.

It would consist of roughly 25 thoughts. Maybe a PowerPoint. Possibly, handouts. If I am in a good mood that day, I might even bake them cookies (not really… in the world of highly paid guest speakers, this is called a tease).

I may even go all out and put my thoughts in the form of a countdown. Because when I think of school administration, I think of Casey Kasem.

So, here are my first 10 (or 25 through 16… yes, I am going all out).

And this list is entirely different from my original The 10 Rules of Survival for a New Principal (I have learned a lot since May 14, 2008).

#25. Understand that all administrators have failed miserably at one time or another. If you haven’t, you aren’t trying hard enough. Remember, it is not the mistakes you make, but how you react and learn from those mistakes (hey, I just made that up… I could be on to something here).

#24. Take your job seriously, but not yourself. People are going to make fun of you. Roll with it. And just hope the “nicknames” they give you don’t catch on.

#23. Find mentors. Yes, I said mentors. I am not a complete idiot and I do have spell check.

My point here is that it will take more than 1 person helping you not to be a total failure. Plus you can learn from their past mistakes.

The more mentors… the more mistakes they have made. This provides a greater chance of them helping you from becoming a failure, fired, arrested, or simply run out of town on the next train (there is a Gunsmoke reference for you, because what graduate student in 2008 has not seen Gunsmoke?).

#22. Use the latest technology in front of your staff. No one likes to be told they should be doing something when their fearless leader has no idea what they are talking about it.

If you want your school to rely on email, stop handwriting your memos.

#21. Be in unexpected places. By this, I don’t mean sneaking up on people in the restroom or hiding in the closet so you can scare the janitor.

I mean be somewhere besides your office or the donut shop. Get out and show up in a classroom once in a while. And not when you have to be there to do an evaluation or tackle a student.

#20. Know a little about everything. This includes curriculum, health insurance, purchasing books, what type of light bulbs are in the gym, who delivers your milk, how student schedules are put together, and where the janitors store the extra toilet paper.

The last one may be the most important (and trust me, this is a fact you need to learn from day one).

Truthfully, it is unlikely that you will ever know everything that is required to run a school. So the most important thing is knowing who to ask to find out these various answers.

#19. Be nice to the people who can help in times of crisis. Luckily for you these crises generally only happen Monday through Sunday.

When things go horribly wrong, you may need one or all of the following: a lawyer, secretary, school nurse, architect, plumber, insurance company, auditor, janitor, fire department, police, electrician, or all of the above.

If in fact things have gone so wrong that you need all of the above at one time, focus most of your kindness on your lawyer. He or she will be the one sitting beside you at the trial (seldom will the school electrician “cut a deal” for you with the district attorney).

#19. Change 3 things each year. Any more than 3 and you will make your staff nervous. Any less than 3 and the staff will thing you are overpaid and lazy.

Honestly, they will probably always consider you overpaid, but at least this will give you a fighting chance to convince them you are not lazy.

#18. Realize school starts for administrators exactly 30 days before the doors actually open. Don’t think in the summer you can put things off until 3 days before school officially starts.

Your life will go from kind of hectic to completely hectic exactly one month before the students arrive.

You have to keep the last 5 days of summer open, because all the bad things happen at once towards the end of your vacation. This never fails. And by never, I mean never.

#17. Understand that people have relatives. This means don’t make fun of someone to another staff member because you don’t want to hear this response, “You know, that is my sister-in-law.”

This is the definition of awkward. And uncomfortable. And possibly the end of your career if the sister-in-law is on the school board.

#16. Always wear a white dress shirt when it is hot (August, September, April and May) or if you are speaking in public.

Those sweat rings that you don’t think are that noticeable... are very noticeable. And staff members have a difficult time taking direction from someone who looks like a nervous underprepared fat guy at a job interview in an office without air conditioning during late July.

So that is my official countdown of advice.

This is pure gold and you won’t pick it up out of a textbook.

You’re welcome. And no charge. This time.

Just for the record, if you had told me 2 years ago that I would write a blog with this title… I would not have believed you.

I went to a college football game this weekend. There is really nothing spectacular about this, but as a school administrator it was awfully nice to be at a game and not be supervising.

In my profession, you “get” to attend lots of events during the course of the year. The good news is that you don’t have to pay admission. That bad news is…well, pretty much everything else.

My philosophy, the only “good” thing about supervising extracurricular events is when nothing “bad” happens. This rule goes for games, dances, graduation, and any other event in which someone can walk up to you as the administrator in charge and ask “Are you the Administrator in charge?”

My advice… always say “No” or at the very least “I don’t speak English.” And as always, when in doubt… run. Trust me, nothing good ever comes out of these conversations.

Nothing good comes out of running either, but at least you have a 50/50 chance of escaping.

In this case, I considered myself lucky because since it was a college game, I didn’t have any responsibilities other than transporting my wife, my daughter, and her little 7 year-old friend (Rent-A-
Kid comes in handy when you have an only child).

A beautiful fall Saturday and no supervision for me. Because at college games they have State Police and goofy college freshmen with the words “EVENT STAFF” on the back of their t-shirts (just the freshman… the State Police have their own uniforms).

Just seeing a gangly 19 year old fraternity wannabe with no real authority or power makes me feel safe.

But who am I to judge, because how many people really feel safe when they see me leaning up against the gym wall at a basketball game (occasionally glancing at my watch)?

But, back to the football game.

As soon as I arrived, I needed to find a restroom (because I am old… if you don’t understand this concept you will in 15-20 years). You may feel this is way too much information, but this is when things started to get interesting.

As I walked into the bathroom, I looked up to see not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 6 tuba players from the college marching band standing around in a circle in full uniform (yes, that includes the snappy hats).

You may be asking how I knew they were tuba players. Easy… they were holding their tubas (this is not… I repeat… NOT a euphemism).

Now, my mind doesn’t always work well, but it does work quickly.

As I came face to face with 6 tuba players in the restroom, I had several thoughts in about 4 seconds…

My first was… I wonder if they are a gang and if so they are smartly dressed and obviously big supporters of the arts.

Secondly, I thought about saying… “This one time in band camp…” but I thought hey may be too young to have seen the movie and even worse, if they are familiar with the movie this might label me as a weirdo and that’s the last thing you want to be perceived as when in the men’s restroom.

Lastly, I worried how I was ever going to “complete my business” when there are 6 band guys holding tubas standing in a circle in the general vicinity.

So, this is what I said. “Guys, I have a hard enough time going when I am by myself, let alone when 6 tuba players are standing around looking at me.”

The head tuba player (no euphemism… get your mind out of the gutter) said, “Well maybe it will help if we play a song.”

So they did and as expected it affected my performance.

Yes, I buckled. Couldn’t take the pressure.

I used to consider graduation speeches, proms, and school board meetings to be the most nerve-racking parts of my life.

Not now.

They all look easy compared to being all alone in a public restroom, except for 6 tuba players.

I guess I am better at supervising others than being supervised.

No matter where you go or what you do, there is always a lesson to be learned.

If you finished reading this blog, you have probably figured out that he is an idiot. On top of that it wasn't tubas, they were sosaphones. The Wife/Editor.

The following is a comment/response to Greg Bicknell’s Out of My League blog on September 1.

He was kind enough to link my The Perfect School blog. So this blog is about his blog which was about my blog (got it? Kind of confusing, sort of like Algebra)

Besides linking to my blog, he also listed the benefits that Google employees receive and then used those to make his point about education.

He said “Google is doing what I think we should be doing in education. Not just doing for the staff… some of this would be great… some of this would keep the good ones from going into the private sector.

If we are going to transform education… we have to truly transform it… attract the best and the brightest… change it for the better”

That would be great, but I do have another thought…

But first, if you worked at Google this what you could get (taken from his list… as I pride myself on doing absolutely no research… hey, it got me through college).



Health and Wellness Benefits

• Medical Insurance: 3 Carriers
• Dental Insurance
• Vision Insurance
• Flex Spending Account Plan
• EAP - Employee Assistance Program - Services for employees and their dependents include free short-term counseling, legal consultations, financial counseling, child care referrals and pet care referrals.
• Life and AD&D Insurance - Automatic coverage at 2 times annual salary.
• Voluntary Life Insurance - Option to purchase additional life insurance.
• Short Term & Long Term Disability - Short Term Disability Insurance coverage provided at 75% of salary. Long Term Disability coverage provided at 66 2/3% of salary once Short Term disability is exhausted.
•Business Travel Accident Insurance - Automatic coverage at 2 times annual salary.

As he said, this would be enough, but there is more…

Retirement and savings

• Google 401(k) Plan- Employees may contribute up to 60% and receive a Google match of up to the greater of (a) 100% of your contribution up to $2,500 or (b) 50% of your contribution per year with no vesting schedule! We offer a variety of investment options to choose from, through Vanguard, our 401(k) Plan Administrator. To help you with those tough investment decisions, employees can access Financial Engines to receive personalized investment advice.
• 529 College Savings Plan- This plan provides employees with a way to save money for post-secondary education.

Time away (why you would ever want to get away from the Google campus, I don’t know)

• Vacation
1st year- 15 days
4th year- 20 days
6th year- 25 days

• Holidays- 12 paid holidays (sick days taken as necessary)
• Maternity Benefits- up to 18 weeks off at approximately 100% pay
• Parental Leave (for non-primary caregivers)- up to 7 weeks off at approximately 100% pay
• Take-Out Benefit- To help make things easier, new moms and dads are able to expense up to $500 for take-out meals during the first 3 months that they are home with their new baby.

Still not done…

Extra Benefits

• Tuition Reimbursement- We’ll help you pursue further education that’s relevant to what you do. You must receive grades of “B” or better. Why a “B” or better? Because we said so. Tuition reimbursement is $8000 per calendar year.
• Employee Referral Program- Good people know other good people. Our best employees have been hired through referrals. Google encourages you to recommend candidates for opportunities here and will award you a bonus if your referral accepts our offer and remains employed for at least 60 days.
• Back-Up Child Care- As a California employee, when your regularly scheduled child care falls through Google will provide you with 5 free days of child care per year through Children’s Creative Learning Center (CCLC). 13 Bay Area locations serving ages 6 weeks - 12 years.
• Gift Matching Program- Google matches contributions of up to $3000 per year from eligible employees to non-profit organizations. Bolstering employee contributions to worthy causes with matching gifts doesn’t just mean helping hundreds of organizations, both locally and globally; it’s also a tangible expression. We want Googlers to get involved – and the company is right behind you.
• Adoption Assistance- Google assists our employees by offering financial assistance in the adoption of a child. We’ll reimburse you up to $5000 to use towards legal expenses, adoption agencies or other adoption professional fees. Parental leave and take-out benefit also apply.

More Benefits (do they need more?)

• Food- Hungry? Check out our free lunch and dinner – our gourmet chefs create a wide variety of healthy and delicious meals every day. Got the munchies? Google also offers snacks to help satisfy you in between meals.
• On-site Doctor- At Google headquarters in Mountain View, California you have the convenience of seeing a doctor on-site.
• Shuttle Service- Google is pleased to provide its Mountain View employees with free shuttles to several San Francisco, East Bay and South Bay locations.
• Financial Planning Classes- Google provides objective and conflict-free financial education classes. The courses are comprehensive and cover a variety of financial topics.
• Other On-Site Services- At Google headquarters in Mountain View, there’s on-site oil change, car wash, dry cleaning, massage therapy, gym, hair stylist, fitness classes and bike repair.
• Other Great Benefits- Ski trip, company movie day, summer picnic, Halloween & holiday party, health fair, quarterly group offsites, credit union, sauna, roller hockey, outdoor volleyball court, discounts for products and local attractions.




I have to admit as an educator, I would settle for the free food and roller hockey. Keep the rest, as I am easy to please.

My thought on this: Google employees get these benefits for one reason and one reason only.

Because they can.

And it doesn’t make America anti-education. Or teachers underappreciated. It is all very simple.

It is supply and demand (see, I did learn something in college… they don’t just give away those Bachelor Degrees in Business Administration… actually they do, so please disregard the first part of this sentence).

Because there are more people qualified to teach than there are people qualified to work at Google, the amount educators get paid is less (okay, far less and no doctor on site).

Supply and Demand.

Lots of people want teaching jobs, but there are a limited number to go around.

Competition always drives the price down. Schools don’t pay more because they don’t have to.

If we want teachers to earn higher salaries, we need to have a system in which great teachers are allowed to shop their services and school districts are allowed to negotiate individually with employees.

And for a variety of reasons, this is not going to happen in the near future.

Google has this ability. And therefore, their employees are paid more and have better benefits.

The downside (if it is a downside) for their employees is being under Google’s control.

They can be dismissed, transferred, or demoted at a moment’s notice.

As educators would we be willing to allow changes to our present system to receive the benefits under Google’s system?